Wow! As I've said in the past, artists are usually good-looking guys and gals who couldn't hold a real job. But politicians are simply creeps! I re-read my last week's "blog" and like any creative person I was proud of my own prescient "poo poo". But this week's events trump the last by far: Bush pushing non-existent WMD in 2003 using poor "Colin Bowel" at the U.N. dog and pony show - 400 Billion and counting! Rummy promising the exploited, mercenary U.S. Army underclass with no options some state-of-the-art body armor in 2004 - 200 Million plus. Blair trying to communicate with a buttered breakfast roll chewing Bush at a photo op at the G8 Summit - Priceless!

I know it's always easy dissing Turban wearing guys who live in the 12th century and still want to "get it on" through a hole in the sheet, but come on my Brothers! Here's the leader of the free world, seemingly inconvenienced by having to do what world leaders do, offering up a front porch, Mississippi afternoon, redneck solution to a 4 thousand year- old problem in less than 10 seconds culminating in the phrase "and that shit will end"!

This is brilliant! It could be Fred Durst on stage at Lollapalooza 99 ("Who wants to start some shit"?) or "Fiddy Cent", ("That shit ain't right!") but it's our President for god's sake! Not some sub-human entertainer! I don't care if you believe that frozen, unfertilized embryos are really human life as "W" does (although that's like believing Mr. Softee could conceive). But, you have to be scared by our humiliating loss of credibility on the world stage. This is NO GOOD for ANYBODY! Teresa Heinz Kerry could not have been more embarrassing had she become the First Lady on Thorazine.
As the bombs and missiles fall in Lebanon and Israel I couldn't help but pick up an old script I was sent just 1 month before 9/11 by a 19 year-old Muslim film student from Tehran named Samir Mecchi. It was his graduate project and, like most great ideas, it will never see the light of day. Here's the plot.

Radical Jihads kidnap Russell Crow for real and threaten to cut off his "pee pee" unless Samir is allowed to come to Hollywood and make his movie with the co-operation of major Hollywood, A-list stars. He gives them a long list since he's aware of availability problems. Although it's confirmed by the state department that Russell Crow has really been kidnapped Hollywood is dismissive - until the top third of Crow's "pee pee" arrives in formalgahyde.

Right way the top Hollywood agents and stars hop to it, co-operating with the US government, privately grumbling all the way, to no bank by the way. Samir and his handlers are clever like Rupert Pumpkin in " The King of Comedy". They will not release Russell Crow until there has been a major Hollywood premiere and Samir and his producer are returned to safety.

It's a hilarious movie within a movie where the opening scene starring Alec Baldwin, Ron Silvers and Tom Cruise as two CAA agents and a major producer respectively have breakfast at the Hermitage Hotel. While grousing about the movie they are being forced to make they argue about the relative merits of the Cadillac Escalade versus the Lincoln Navigator for a real time 20 minutes while they incidentally abuse the wait staff and argue with unseen wives and underlings on their cell phones. It's excruciatingly tedious only because it's so painfully accurate and action-packed. The film wraps and Samir goes free.

We see numerous "E" True Hollywood Story -type TV coverage that alludes to Russell Crow's "disfigurement". Amid swirling rumors the top Hollywood execs talk privately about his "career ending" bad luck. Russell Crow is forced to play himself in the movie within a movie where he really has been a victim of Muslim "Lorena Bobbitt". Everyone treats him like a "Special Olympics" star. The working title of this film O my Brothers? "Pichon de Lalande".